Happiness Where Art Thou?

It is early in the morning. I woke up a little under weather, not so fresh- and in fact a little sad. My initial feeling was to just get up and go for a jog to just unwind.. My body was tense, and mind not peaceful. What happened? I started to reflect on the events of last night, in fact yesterday. I looked at my checking acount yesterday and I had 2 overdraw charges for $78 on 3/12/09, and for $39 on 3/13/09. My first reaction was that it can't be true. That is too much money. I thought I had fixed the problem, but bank decided to put me in the negative times two before honoring my deposit that morning. I called them to give it a consideration that my money transfer check was already there, but they refused. Had they credited my account before making the debits, I would not have lost ~120 bucks. But because they did it the otherway around, debited my account and then credited it with my deposit- I was stuck with the penalty. I have been with this bank for almost 25 years, and I felt they needed to be considerate. I was mad at myself for being stupid- I would have rather donated that money for a worthy cause. But instead I lost it to a bank. IWhat happened? The bank made the money, I lost it by not being careful. I made an honest mistake, tried to correct it, could not. Lost my peace and happiness. Should I learn my lesson & forgive myself ,and get my peace back, or keep anguishing over something I have no more control over?

After that I turned on the TV, and movie based on the best seller "The Memory Keepers Daughter" by Kim Edwards, was playing. I watched the movie and it was very sad. After that I took my dog for a walk, weather was gorgeous, breeze was nice and cool- but I just could not get over the characters. Just one mistake, and every one's life changed for ever. I went to bed with a heavy heart.  I had also not heeded to my own advice (read my hub- on sleep).

Most of the night I wondered, would thing have been different had the doctor kept his child with Down Syndrome? How would his and his family's life been impacted had he decided to raise his special needs child in his own family home? I think I will do injustice to the writer and readers and to the movire goers if I discuss the whole story here. But I must say that this movie had me thinking about happiness.

These days happiness is hard to find. Take a look around, and everyone appears to be unhappy. And today's economy is the worst for happiness. Everyone is pointing fingers at everyone else as being cause of their unhappiness. The only people who are happy are the ones whose story you don't know. Even Guru Nanak said "Nanak (himself) Dukhiya(unhappy) Sub(whole)Sansaar(world). The idea that I will be happy if I get this car, only if I can land that dream job, only if I get this power, only if I was rich, only if I could save my home, only if I can keep my spouse happy, if I can keep my children happy..............is a never ending journey to the path of unhappiness.

What if you do get your dream car? What will happen after 2 days, 4 days, or a month? What if you are able to save your house from foreclosure for now, will have have no worry about down payments? Will you have enough money for home maintainence fees, repairs? Will you be really happy once you have your home. What is happiness? Accoring to Oxford dictionary:

hap.py: 1. feeling or showing pleasure or contentment, 2. fortunate, 3. ( of words or behavior) very suitable, pleasing. hap'pi.ly : adverb. hap'pi.ness: noun

# happy medium: something that achieves a satisfactory avoidance of extremes.

hap.py-go-luck.y: adjective. taking events cheerfully as they happen.

According Buddhist teachings happiness is freedom from suffering by following the eightfold path.

Guru Nanak ( founder of Sikhism) preached that detachment from material things leads to freedom, and hence happiness; Coversly, attach-ment to worldly things and relations leads to bondage, and therefore unhappiness. According to Oxford dictionary ;

De-tach: verb; to release or remove from something else or from a group.

de-tach-ment. n. 1. detaching, being detached. 2. freedom from bias or emotion, aloofness, lack of concern

at.tach: v. 1. to fix to something else. 2. to join as a companion or member, to assign (a person) to a particular group 3. to make a legal attachment of ( money or goods)

at.tach.ment: n. 1. attaching, being attached. 2. something attached, an extra part that fixes on. 3. affection, devotion 4. legal seizure of property or of a debtor's earnings before they are paid to him in order to pay his debt.

Is Happiness an emotion or an attitude? Mostly philosophers and religions describe happiness as an emotion. But after reading books like "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff- and it is all small stuff" by Richard Carlson, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose" by Eckhart Tolle, I think happiness is an attitude. It is a learnt behavior; happiness can be attained with discipline and dedication. According to Guru Nanak, and other religious scriptures, philosophers, the forceis inside you. We as human beings are unhappy because we have lost connection with our inner self, and our true pupose in life. We are trying to find happiness through material possessions, and human relationships. We look for outside acceptance for our actions. We want to be accepted, we look for permission from everyone around us, we look for love and acceptance from others by trying to be on their good side, by trying to do things that are supposed to be right according to societal norms. We have thus placed the locus of our happiness outside ourselves. But all religious teachings teach us that the true locus of our happiness is, and has always been residing inside us. The realization usually comes from within. It does not come until time is ready, and the person is ready to accept it. Universe is ready to give at all times, but are your ready to accept?

All religions refer to the FORCE as GOD, while Secret, A New Awakening refer to the same as Universe. Guru Nanak says that the universe resides inside you, each one of you. " Jo (whatever power lies in the ) Bhre-h-mande (Universe), So-i-ee (same lies within your) Pin-day (body)." So if the Universe is within us, and it is ever giving- & we hold the key to our own happiness, then how can we start our journey towards happiness. This is how I started on this path, and trust me I am still working on myself, but it is getting easier, and easier. I am now at a point where I have started to feel that the universe is working with me; but trust me be ready for tears and emotions, because you will also realize that even during those hard times when you thought you were alone, Universe was actually with you....making sure your needs were always met.

1. Meditation: It appears hard, and it is very hard. But it is important to your well being, and in order to get in touch with yourself. Find a quiet place and sit down on the floor with legs crossed. (It is also a nice yoga pose good for your thighs and spine). Now close your eyes and try to focus on something very nice, or nothing at all. Since mind works non-stop, all kinds of thoughts will come and go, let them. Key is try to get your thoughts back to your focus.Try to s-l-o-w-l-y & g-r-a-d-u-a-l-l-y focus on your breathing& sounds around you, Become aware of your environment and surroundings, your feelings and emotions. start with 5 minutes, 10 minutes, and then gradually build up your time. Gradually you will be able to get in touch with your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Once you become in touch with yourself, you will feel in control, and hence happier. Try to meditate for at least 5 minutes before starting your work

2) Yoga: In the morning or after work. Helps again not only with losing weight, or gaining weight, or just physically healthy; it also helps with mental well being. Helps with mood, gaining control, as well as positive energy. get a yoga video. You can get it online on amazon.com, or e-bay.

3) Read your Holy scriptures, try to truly understand them and make them a part of your life. All the knowledge one gains through degrees and schools goes to waste if one prides in it but does not practice it (Guru Nanak). Say one reads books on "anger management", but goes to work and starts shouting at spouse and children- then all that reading is a waste. Key to happiness is practice. I feel I understood teachings better when I started to read on my own, versus someone preaching. I also got my own perspective and understanding, versus how I was being taught by others. If you are not religious, don't worry. There are still other ways to get in touch with yourself.

4) Readgood books like "A New earth", "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff". Try to understand them, and internalize them. Start with Carlson's book, I found it easy to understand. I am love with this book.

5) Do you like movies; I recommend movies like "Life is beautiful", "Pursuit of Happiness" that are worth watching. These movies have take home lessons; and I think these movies can change ones life for the good, if one is willing to change your attitude towards life and other.

6) Be in no hurry. Take a breath, relax, enjoy your cup of tea or coffee alone. I am and have always been an early riser. Rise early, and find a quiet time just for yourself. Love yourself. Praise yourself for all that you do for yourself, your family, and your friends. Meditate. Enjoy the sun, the quiet. It was quiet when I woke up..... today I started to pour my thoughts & feelings on to this page. My mind is now at peace, and now I am ready with a smile. I hear kids waking up. Had I not had this time to myself, I would be still wound up and tired.

7) Choose your battles. Avoid nagging, and small arguments. I agree with Mr Carlson- let someone else be right. The pressure of trying to be right all the time will make you feel free again. You will be happy and so will be the other person. Who knows they may even give you the credit. Giving is always better than Taking- it is a cardinal rule to happiness. Which brings me to next point:

8) Give complements: My mentor, Ms Jill Carley, once told me that she keeps 5 pennies in her pocket every morning. The goal is to give at least 5 complements to other people. By the end of the day if all pennies have shifted to the other pocket, then she had a great day; because she made 5 people happy.

9) Stop the blame game, take responsibility: Whenever we blame others, we are shedding responsibility for our consequences. Guru Nanak says you will reap what you sow. If you grow Kikar tree (a bitter tree that bears no fruit) , then do not expect it to bear sweet mangoes. Taking responsibility builds character, and hence a stronger bridge to happiness.

10) Smile in the mirror and at strangers. Frown at yourself in the mirror, and then act sad. How do you feel? Now smile. Emotions are contagious. They set the environment around you. You can choose how you want to live: Happy, sad, or angry.

Don't forget to say Thanks. Don't ask for anything. Just say Thanks.